RESCUE DONNELLY

Seriously, people! Does anyone need any additional proof that the L.A. WEEKLY has gone from lousy to lousiest than this week’s cover story interview with actor Christian Bale, star of Werner Herzog’s latest RESCUE DAWN?

In an article by Joe Donnelly titled “Christian Bale and the Art of Extreme Acting,” the subject header asks and answers: "What won’t the best actor of his generation do for a role? Not much."

"Best actor of his generation?" Hmm. Slightly over the top (you think?). I mean, Marlon Brando never portrayed Batman (then again, he did play Jor-El, Superman’s father. OK, so sue me!). Actually, Bale is a solid actor. Probably the best Bruce Wayne we’ll ever get on the big screen. His acting often runs circles around his co-stars. He made Hugh Jackman look like Keanu Reeves in THE PRESTIGE. But this "best actor of his generation" line? Not exactly a compliment if you consider that his generation also includes Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher and Jamie Kennedy.

Donnely continues to pound us with this “best actor of his generation” jazz later in the piece when he kicks off a new section:

"When the best actor of his generation pulls up in front of Shutters, a place famous for seeing and being seen that could only have been chosen by a publicist, it’s in a black pickup truck. He’s wearing a baseball cap and an unassuming getup of T-shirt and jeans. The look is trucker chic, though I’m pretty sure Bale has no idea what trucker chic is. He tells me the pickup is for hauling his motorized dirt bikes, which is what he’s into these days, though he confesses he’s not very Zen about the art of motorcycle maintenance."

The ol’ “Stars: they’re just like us!” bit. Multi-millionaire celebrities acting normal! Wow, can you imagine? Now even I can relate! Doesn't US Weekly do this kind of journalism every time they post a picture of Tom Arnold picking his nose or Elisha Cuthbert falling asleep at the opera…”They’re just like us!”

Oh, and there’s this:

"These situations, of course, are accidents — the kind of accidents that happen when the son of a circus-dancer mom and a Bunyanesque adventurer of a father, who was born in Wales but who moved around a lot as a kid, gets picked to star in a Steven Spielberg film after auditioning on a dare from his sister and eventually ends up in Santa Monica talking to someone who, by his own conspiracy of accidents, has ended up sitting across the table from the greatest actor of his generation with a tape recorder in hand. Since there’s always the chance this will turn out to be a happy accident, we gamely order coffee and water and settle in."

“Greatest actor of his generation.” Here we go again. Even Herzog enables Donnelly:

*****

So what attracted Herzog to the young actor in the first place?

“What drew me to Christian is that he is the best of his generation,” he says.

Oh, yeah. There’s that.

*****

But here’s the exchange that made me look like Ella Taylor’s kid, only with smoke coming out of the ears:

*****

“Rescue Dawn, I guess we have to talk about that,” I say.

“Oh, did you see the movie?” Bale asks.

“I did.”

“You did, but you didn’t like it.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you said, ‘I guess we gotta talk about that.’ You’re like, we gotta get on with that.”

“I gotta be honest, I didn’t love it.”

*****

Way to go, Donnelly. So you tell the greatest actor of his generation that his film basically sucks. So much for the greatest actor of his generation…the one who picks the lousy scripts.

Oh, well. When life gives you critics, make CRITICIDE, I always say.

This is Karry Ling, reporting for CRITICIDE.

Dear Joe Donnelly,

Go back to writing phone books. Now hear me out: This is China and I am the Empress. I know your generation bows to the Hunter S. Thompson altar but Gonzo journalism is played out, Daddy-O! It's 2007, we're into post-post-ironic-post-Modern by now. Write about the subject and stop inserting yourself into your pieces and maybe we’ll get a little more out of a Christian Bale profile than him reacting off of one more self-important journalist bitter over the fact that the interview is not happening in the reverse direction.

You’re welcome for the free advice,

Karry Ling