Today is the last day of (this year's) Hanukkah, and I'd like to leave you all with a long overdue gift. Below, I have listed eight anti-Semitic film critics, most if not all of whom are still making decent wages in the business of opinion-whoring. How do I know they're anti-Semitic? Who else but ignorant haters of Judaism would print such nasty, vicious things about the first Hanukkah movie, Adam Sandler's 2002 animated holiday masterwork, "Eight Crazy Nights," now on DVD. Surely, these excerpts will convince you that my allegations are not completely unfounded:
1.
"The innocence of holiday cheer ain't what it used to be."
- Sean Axmaker, Seattle Post Intelligencer
Mr. Axmaker apparently seems to think a movie (EVEN JUST ONE MOVIE) about Hanukkah ruins holiday cheer for "the rest of us." Ah, yes, remember what it used to be like when there were NO Hanukkah movies?!? "8 Crazy Nights" was a long time coming and I personally hope there's a sequel in the making.
2.
"This animated abomination is so desperately awful that one walks away amazed at the power Sandler must wield in Hollywood to get it released at all."
- Dawn Taylor, Portland Tribune
Oh, I see. The Jews run Hollywood. That old chestnut that's been roasting on an open fire for the last 85 years. If that's the case, why has the world had to wait this long for one, single, solitary movie revolving around "The Other Holiday?"
3.
"Goes on and on to the point of nausea."
- Gary Brown, Houston Community Newspapers
It seems pretty clear that Mr. Braun is not talking about any feature-length cartoon, but the real Hanukkah, which lasts over one week long. Shame on him for showing such little respect for a holiday he knows little or nothing about and the chosen people whom he chooses to continually misunderstand. Without the Macabees, we'd all be using PCs.
4.
"A bigger holiday downer than your end-of- year 401(k) statement."
- Scott Craven, Arizona Republic
Man-O-Manishevitz. Did he really bring up an accountant reference for the stereotypical Jews and money tie-in? Wow, Scotty must've been a real hit at the 2002 Flagstaff-branch Ku Klux Kristmas Party for that one.
5.
"The most ill-Two Jews with one stone. Happy Holidays, brought to you by yet another egg nog-swilling schmuck.conceived animated comedy since the 1991 dog Rover Dangerfield."
- Bruce Fretts, Entertainment Weekly
6.
"The Hanukkah spirit seems fried in pork." - David Elliot, San Diego Union-Tribune
What unmitigated gall. To ridicule a time-honored tradition and religious custom during the holidays (It was during Hanukkah of '02 when he wrote the article). By the way, does anybody know if reindeer is kosher?
7.
"Unlike Trey Parker, Sandler doesn't understand that the idea of exploiting molestation for laughs is funny, not actually exploiting it yourself."
- Stephen Himes, Film Snobs
Comparing Trey "The Gentile" Parker to Adam "The Jew" Sandler is like comparing a Christmas fart to a Hanukkah dump and saying Christmas is better. And since when did anything Trey Parker ever produce anything suitable for children?
8.
"It leaves a far worse taste in your mouth than that old holiday fruitcake in your freezer." - David Levine, Filmcritic.com
The worst kind of anti-Semite. A Jewish anti-Semite. Unless he's a goy who changed his name. And what's this about Mr. Levine keeping an old holiday fruitcake in the freezer? I mean, didn't Jeffrey Dahmer do time for that?
There you have it. The Menorah From Hell. All eight candles have been blown out, but unfortunately these cretinous hatemongers continue to parade their narrow-minded, bigoted opinions in the name of free speech, not unlike the nazis who marched in Skokie, Illinois several years back. Only you can stop them. Write letters. A lot of 'em. To the the JDL, to the Anti-Defamation League, and to the critics themselves. Maybe by next Passover, these intolerant foot soldiers for the Christian agenda will have no platform but the blogosphere from which to spew their venomous rage.
