HONK IF YOU HATE CRITICS!

To our creative brothers and sisters, WGA members in good standing -

Sloped shoulder to sloped shoulder, if only in spirit, we stand with you during these trying times. Yesterday marked the first day of the writers strike. There hasn't been a WGA-backed walkout since 1988. The world, what with the emergence of the internet and DVDs, has changed since then, but you know all about that. What you may not know is that a conspiracy theory has already surfaced regarding the actual reason behind this year's strike: Could it be possible that the corporations backing the studios and networks are intentionally forcing the current situation? Yes. How else can one explain their ludicrous proposal to "overhaul" the residual situation that's been in place for over twenty years? Did they really expect your union to roll over on that? No, of course not. They expected what they got - an angry reaction, an unwillingness to negotiate.

Mark my words, ultimately they will sit down and deal with you, but not until they are forced to deal with the actors at next year's scheduled SAG Strike. Or perhaps they'll hold out until Giuliani is elected President. I'm not implying that the corporations and media moguls who are beholden to the Bush administration are doing everything in their power to keep Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert off the air until then. I'm shouting it from the rooftops! As you know, the REAL news on TV comes to us from the satirists, each of whom will be rendered politically impotent in this particular medium, increasingly so as time goes by. How effective will Bill Maher's "OLD RULES" be next November? Think about it.

Anyway, I'm writing to you not entirely for altruistic reasons. I cannot speak for all of the resident Critissassins here at Criticide, but I will say this... you have my support and my sympathy. Four hours a day, networking with other writers when you should be in a plush Starbucks chair reading the paper and kvetching about the state of the world. It's probably even worse than it sounds. Now, while your resistance is low and you have a little extra time on your hands, I would like to appeal to your sense of justice, which may or may not be recently acquired. We are Criticide. We take down professional critics, some of whom might have slighted you in the past. Those of you who are not accepting scabwork and are sympathetic to our cause are cordially invited to join us as honorary Critissassins, helping us fight our fight - a fight, not unlike your fight, worth fighting.